Oh how life can change so quickly

I dont even know where to begin... so many emotions and thoughts that keep running through my head. So in turn I have decided that blogging perhaps maybe the best solution to getting things somewhat organized in this mess I like to call my head. Have you ever loved someone with all of your heart? someone that you know you are supposed to be with for the rest of your life? yeah well, its an amazing feeling,you feel like you are on top of the world, like life couldn't get any better. I mean seriously though what could get better than being with your best friend and hearing him say the sweet three word sentence to you every night before you close your eyes, just so you can dream about that very man. Knowing that you are going to be able to be with him for eternity. The answer to that is nothing. Nothing can get better than that. Until the unexpected comes along and that very man who had just told you he loved you the night before decides to break the news to you, that he doesn't know if your are right for him or if he's right for you.. or if he even knows what he wants. Now, this isn't my first rode with this kind of thing, I've had my heart broken once before. But that doesn't stop it from hurting any less. I was caught by surprise and had no idea how to react. What would you do in this kind of situation? It felt like my heart was just sitting there on a open table, no protection just getting hit over and over again. Every word he spoke, another jab and the self worth scale went down one more notch. I love him. and right now I guess he needs time apart from me. Now the question I keep asking myself is "what's wrong with me?" "Will someone one day actually love me and mean it?" Cause something has got to be wrong with me if this keeps happening. The one time I thought nothing could go wrong and we had it right. nope! that "right" got swept right out from under me and once again I received the unsaid message... "you're not good enough". I don't know what's in store for my future, but I know that someone does. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and I know that what ever is happening is happening for a reason. Wether this little break from him be short termed or wether it be permanent, that I don't know. But I do know that we are sent to this earth to be tested. And perhaps right now is my turn to take one of the many tests we will receive on this Earth. Never the less, if you're wondering, yes I do still love him, in the 8 hours its been I have yet to stop thinking about him. If he comes back asking for forgiveness then yes I will give it to him and I will come back with open arms. Well I guess that should be enough for now. So until later, Have a great night!