Oh how life can change so quickly

I dont even know where to begin... so many emotions and thoughts that keep running through my head. So in turn I have decided that blogging perhaps maybe the best solution to getting things somewhat organized in this mess I like to call my head. Have you ever loved someone with all of your heart? someone that you know you are supposed to be with for the rest of your life? yeah well, its an amazing feeling,you feel like you are on top of the world, like life couldn't get any better. I mean seriously though what could get better than being with your best friend and hearing him say the sweet three word sentence to you every night before you close your eyes, just so you can dream about that very man. Knowing that you are going to be able to be with him for eternity. The answer to that is nothing. Nothing can get better than that. Until the unexpected comes along and that very man who had just told you he loved you the night before decides to break the news to you, that he doesn't know if your are right for him or if he's right for you.. or if he even knows what he wants. Now, this isn't my first rode with this kind of thing, I've had my heart broken once before. But that doesn't stop it from hurting any less. I was caught by surprise and had no idea how to react. What would you do in this kind of situation? It felt like my heart was just sitting there on a open table, no protection just getting hit over and over again. Every word he spoke, another jab and the self worth scale went down one more notch. I love him. and right now I guess he needs time apart from me. Now the question I keep asking myself is "what's wrong with me?" "Will someone one day actually love me and mean it?" Cause something has got to be wrong with me if this keeps happening. The one time I thought nothing could go wrong and we had it right. nope! that "right" got swept right out from under me and once again I received the unsaid message... "you're not good enough". I don't know what's in store for my future, but I know that someone does. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and I know that what ever is happening is happening for a reason. Wether this little break from him be short termed or wether it be permanent, that I don't know. But I do know that we are sent to this earth to be tested. And perhaps right now is my turn to take one of the many tests we will receive on this Earth. Never the less, if you're wondering, yes I do still love him, in the 8 hours its been I have yet to stop thinking about him. If he comes back asking for forgiveness then yes I will give it to him and I will come back with open arms. Well I guess that should be enough for now. So until later, Have a great night!

Far far away ):

 Boy am I missing this guy! ): I didn't think that living 2 hours away for one more semester would be this hard, but I was defiantly wrong! I love him with all of my heart, he's my best friend and I cant stand to be away from him for one more day. I guess I have to learn patience, it's going to be a long couple of months but I know that in the end it is going to be so worth it! I can't wait to be with him forever!

A Great Weekend (:

You might be asking why it was such a great weekend?? Thats because I spent it with my amazing Boyfriend (: I love him! I also was able to pick up my new car which I am totally digging, it's saaweettt!! Vdub Jetta and its basically just awesome! 

I drove down to Provo on friday and surprised Tanner at work.. (: that was fun!

 Then we drove up to Heber and spent the night with his brother and sister-in-law and their cute little boys Nash and Milo. Of course we had to put the Monkey costume on after dinner! 

Seriously he is the cutest little boy ever and I love him to pieces! 

The next morning Tan and I woke up and had some yummy breakfast at "The Hub" don't worry it was only 4:00...PM. Yeah so we kinda just lounged all day and hung out in our PJs and laid in bed (: I seriously want to be with this guy for the rest of my life! (:

 That was Saturday and now its the Lovely day of the LORD! Oh how I love this day and the opportunity I have to go and worship the LORD. The church is true! Tanner and I went to his ward and well lets just say it was my first sunday at a BYU ward... hahahah wow. But being able to spend that day with him was great! I just love him! (: and I love holding his hand everywhere we go!

After Church,Tan took me on a little tour of Provo (: we stopped at the cutest little hole in the wall restaurant called Sammy's! unfortunately it was on a Sunday and was closed but we did a little photoshoot anyways haha just cause it was so cute (: and I loved my outfit hahah what can I say?? I'm definitely coming back to this cute place in the summer!

Later that night we were just chillin at Tribes for Sunday Dinner and then Tan and Andy had a little Jam sesh. Jeeze I love when he plays the guitar! He's so cute!  

Overall it was just a great weekend and no fun to have to say goodbye. :( I love this boy so much and I want to spend the rest of my life with him! He's amazing! (:

Staying Positive

It's going to be a long 5 months. But I know that in the end it's all going to be worth it, and the decisions that we make, even though we may be nervous or anxious about them now it's all going to work out :) President Gordon B. Hinckley was an amazing prophet and one of my favorites! The Church is true!